The Not So Frequently asked Questions
by BarkerShadow
Summary: All the strange questions I've asked myself about vampires and werewolves answered in story form, better summary inside. Feel free to submit your own questions DISCONTINUED UNTIL FUTURE NOTICE
1. Chapter 1

**The Not-So Frequently Questions!**

**Notice: I do not own Twilight or its Characters or concepts but if I do make up some characters (which I probably will) I will own them and mess with their minds…**

**Okay Readers! This story is not going to be very organized and the basic gist is that I will be answering all the questions that I've asked myself about Twilight's vampires and werewolves. This is definitely going to be interesting if you have any questions that need speculative answers please tell me and I'll do the best I can. I don't really care if you review this sort of story I probably won't really care if you do but if you have anything interesting to say or suggest please review and maybe I'll have a laugh.**

_**Chapter 1- In which Bella becomes Afraid of what she was told she might be part genetically.**_

For once Edward actually let me out of the house instead of trying to keep me under close supervision, now I was walking down the streets of Seattle with Edward basically carrying me so I wouldn't fall.

I really didn't know why I had come to Seattle seeing as Alice wasn't dragging me down the sidewalk I wasn't shopping and I had more than enough books to read, there weren't any good movies playing either so I definitely wasn't here to see a movie. I didn't want to go back to Edward's house either so I settled on sitting in the park, watching people walk by. The rain drizzled down in classic Seattle fashion but I was used to it, I lived in Forks so I had to. Sitting on Edward's lap I was drifting off too sleep when a person quite unlike everyone else I had seen that day walked by. The man was albino and I laughed inwardly remembering all the people who had accused me of being part albino. When I pointed the man out to Edward he immediately tensed though I did not know why. I looked the man over once more and mentally cataloged his features red eyes; pale skin, white hair, and then I realized that there was another creature that had those characteristics. Vampire.

Noticing the similarities I immediately examined every thing I knew about the two. They both had red eyes (at least the non-

'vegetarians" I lost my train of thought of my Greek god's so not red eyes,) both were rarely seen outside (though for different reasons,) and both were very pale, almost white. The similarities disturbed me so I thought of the similarities, vampires were absolutely gorgeous where as albinos could be but weren't necessarily. Albinos always had white hair from lack of pigment but only some vampires had white hair like Marcus of the Volturi. But seeing that I could find no definite defining feature scared me more so I decided to ask Edward.

"Edward, how do you tell the difference between a vampire and an albino?

"Funny you should ask that my angel, because I was just thinking about how strange humans and their so called albinos were. Because the fact is you don't tell them apart, they are one and the same."

"But my mother is part albino!"

"She is obviously confused us Albinos can't have kids. We're dead!"

"Well that's certainly strange, I've lived my life thinking that I was part vampire, though I wish that I was 100 vampire."

"Bella! Patience is a virtue, the weddings in a month and its scheduled. Stop worrying it' s going to happen," he smiled his crooked smile and all thoughts of my being changed were immediately swept from my head.

**So that was post eclipse this is probably going to be several short stories that may or may not have to do with each other and use different characters. Unless you couldn't figure it out the question was: Is Stephenie Meyer saying that albinos are vampire? My answer: yes, it all fits so why not its funny in a way. Review if you wish but I won't make you. I am going to be doing most of my writing from 11pm-4or5am, because I 'm a night person and its summer. Hooray! And oh yes I'm sorry if your albino you should be proud to be a vampire I wish I was who needs sleep and way I only need 2 hours of it any way! YAY!! Flame me if you wish I think it would be fun to read some hate mail seeing as I send a lot if it to my friends… The other "chapter may or may not be longer and I'll probably get a chapter out a night but I'm not sure depends on my inspiration.**


	2. Edward's hair

**NOTICE: I do not own Twilight or its characters or concepts that I am not speculating on, and if you are Albino you are a vampire and should be proud of it.**

**YAY! Its 2am and I am perfectly awake. Therefore I write more. And I have been listening to Time is Running out by Muse constantly for the past 2 hours and I don't think I've memorized all the lyrics yet, that's strange. So I'm switching to Chicago by Sufjan Stevens which was 2 day's ago favorite song how sad I need a new song for today because technically it's Wednesday isn't that weird but fan fiction still thinks it's the 10****th**** even though it's the 11****th**** oh wait, time zones… I'm ahead by a couple hours that is absolutely bizarre usually I'm only an hour behind. Anyway this question was actually asked by my sister but got me thinking, so enjoy!**

_**Chapter 2: In which Bella learns Edward's secret that he doesn't care she knows.**_

I woke up quickly realizing that I was not in Edward's arms; that was certainly different. Looking around I noticed that he wasn't even in the rocking chair that I often found him in or anywhere in the room at all. I was worried so I got out of bed, got out of bed, dressed myself in a t-shirt promoting recycling and jeans though Alice would protest and proceeded to descend the stairs for some breakfast and then to go to the Cullen's house. I grabbed a pop tart and impatiently drummed my fingers on the tabletop as the toaster did its job. Usually Edward wouldn't leave without telling me or writing a note but then again it was 3am so he probably expected to be back before I woke up. But still I was anxious you would think that Alice would have seen me waking up this early.

Taking my pop tart out to my old Chevy that still hadn't quit on me I drove at my truck's maximum speed: 50mph; amazing how slow that can seem when you're worried. As I pulled up the long twisting driveway to their house and saw the front door no one stood there waiting for me. Though this worried me deeply I did my best to ignore it. Still I walked up to the front door and knocked even though I knew the Cullens would have already heard my truck and me. There was no answer so I walked right in, they wouldn't mind. Walking into the living room I saw one of the most bizarre things I had ever seen the Cullens were standing in the center of the room cutting their hair. But what made it strange was that there weren't just trimming their hair but restyling it from some of the most strange styles I had ever seen into what I was used to.

Carlisle was busy shaving off a long goatee and curly moustache and had yet to tame the stiff coils that sprung from his head. Jasper had less to do and was simply trimming his hair slightly shorter. The stunningly beautiful Rosalie looked strange chopping off a long braid that hung to her knees. Emmett however looked more ridiculous than usual trying to fix a bowl cut without any help but some how he was managing to do it perfectly. A wild nest made of hair sat on Alice's head as she brushed and combed it furiously trying to get out all the tangles so she could cut it back into her usual pixie cut. Esme was more fortunate or had already finished and sat on the couch watching her children and husband. I was surprised that she didn't get up and greet me but she seemed absorbed by the sight before me, as if in a trance. Edward, I was surprised to see with long waves of hair that stretched past his shoulders. Carlisle turned around and saw me and dropped his scissors on the rug, Edward, hearing his thoughts dropped his scissors and everyone else in confusion about why bother Edward and Carlisle hand dropped their scissors they dropped theirs as well. I simply stared at them in shock.

Edward ran over and swept me up in his arms and carried me up to his room, he looked like a complete idiot because he was only half finished cutting his hair. HE dropped me on the wrought iron bed and ran back downstairs only to return a few minutes later with his hair in its usual disarray.

When I saw him I started just to spit out what ever came to mind in some strange order, "You hair long but huh!? Cut grows change?!" Gaining back my mind I was able to form a sentence that actually made sense, "Wait your hair GROWS!?"

Edward chuckled at my disbelief and replied, "Well, sort of, every new moon it returns to however it was when we were changed, not even just the length but if you had combed into an Afro you would be stuck with that."

"So your telling me that in 1918 you had no fashion sense what so ever?"

"For you information, 1918 long hair was quite stylish and I was dieing I didn't have time to worry about what I looked like!"

"But why didn't you notice me until after I drove up, knocked on the door, walked in and stood staring at you for about 2 minutes?!"

"Well Bella, cutting your own hair requires much more concentration that it would seem."

**So that was a little bit longer, I can't believe its only 11:30 any way I've changed my mind. PLEASE REVIEW! I'm freaking out about whether or not I should continue. Also I think that the next few questions fit together pretty well so this is going to become more like an ongoing story. I started writing this last night so that's why the first note is weird and disconnected. Oh yes apparently I suffer from Paranoia, Schiofrina, and a couple of other personality disorders! Isn't that great!! Oh yeah and I will be putting up pictures of edward's (though I'm not sure if you want to see it) and Carlisle's hair (the not normal hair not the regular hair, I tried to get hair from the period they were changed in so no complaining!**

**Question: Do Vampire's hair grow?**

**My Answer: Once a month it shoots out of their head.**

**For this answer I was inspired by a book called **_**Companions of the Night**_** you should read it.**


	3. Jacob and the Vampire Girl

NOTE: NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WISH I OWNED TWILIGHT, SADLY I DON'T

**NOTE: NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WISH I OWNED TWILIGHT, SADLY I DON'T. HOWEVER I THINK I OWN THE ANSWERS TO THE NOT SO FREQUENTLY QUESTIONS ANSWERED IN THIS DOCUMENT.**

Okay, so, umm, the next few chapters are going to be in Jacob's point of view even though he annoys me to no end and I don't think that any vampires that you know of will be popping up this chapter. As I mentioned the next few chapters (maybe 4?) will be more connected then the first two. To the user Edward is my Homeboy: I love you! Great question! I hadn't thought of that. To all the other people who have no clue what I'm talking about you'll find out the question soon enough. WAHAHAHHAHAHAH! Hehehhehe! Okay enough of that, as a reminder this is Jacob's POV and if you didn't read the author's note and are confused, IT"S YOUR OWN FAULT! YAY!! I also love the Spanish or maybe its French… speaking dude whom favorited my story though I don't remember your name.

Chapter 3: In Which Jacob Stops Loving Bella the most in the World

I was starting to get bored of my self-imposed exile to wolf form but I didn't want to go back to La Push. I might have been somewhere in Central Canada but I didn't really care it was a forest, other than that it didn't matter. As a werewolf I was acting as wolf-like as possible, I was hunting bears and deer to survive and drinking from mountain springs, the only difference was that I was a lot bigger and I didn't have a pack. Then again I actually did have a pack only they were far away, close to her, who was probably with him, who was one of them.

Wandering through the forests I smelled one of the filthy leeches, though it was not one of his family I still hated it to no end. My instincts told me to kill the thing so I chased after the stench. I saw it a clearing, though I didn't care what it smelled like I noted that it was an old man, maybe 60, that surprised me I had never seen one older than thirty, he had white hair and the typical features of a bloodsucker. To my dismay the thing was crouched over a girl, maybe 18, who was screaming and writhing in pain. I knew what it was doing and I had to stop it though it was too late for the girl, she had been poisoned already. I lunged at the parasite and ripped him apart quickly using my anger and hate to aid my strength. Then I realized I didn't have and matches, so I phased back and set a fire the old fashioned way. I turned to the girl to kill her, I didn't want another bloodsucker to deal with but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I Loved that girl, more than Bella even, then it hit me, I had imprinted, on a soon to be vampire, Quil and Embry would never let me live it down.

I sat next to her for the next three days, watching her in pain I wished there was something I could do. Thankfully see never called out asking me to kill her because I would have if she asked no matter how much I wanted to be with her forever. I listened to her final heartbeats it hurt even though I knew hers were numbered the moment I saw her. She sat up slowly and stared straight at me, her eyes were the brightest red I had ever seen on one of them. Then she asked, her voice like the tinkling of bells,

"What happened to me? And who in the world are you? Oh, and you really need a bath, you stink."

Shit, I thought I hadn't thought of that question, she was going to hate me; we were mortal enemies by nature, right?

"Do you want it bluntly or the long way around?"

"JUST SPIT IT OUT!" she shrieked.

"Um, okay, sure, but you probably won't believe me."

"I DON'T CARE!" Wow, that girl sure could yell.

"Well then, those three days of pain you just had were you turning into a vampire, I already killed the one who did it because I'm a werewolf, and were supposed to be mortal enemies but I imprinted on you, which pretty much means that you are my true love." I said quickly but I knew she would catch it all. She stared at me in shock but I think she believed me.

"So that's why I really want to kill you right now… Crazy."

"Please don't."

"I don't think I will, you're too cute." We sat staring at each other for a minute.

"So, what now?"

"I don't know but it might be a good idea to smuggle you across the Canadian border to where I live in Washington so you can meet the pack." That was sure going to be a lot of fun.

"Okay, I don't really have any better ideas but I'm pretty sure we aren't in Canada."

"Really? Where are we?"

"Umm, last time I knew, southern Washington."

"Seriously? I could have sworn I ran further. That means we just have to go to north, that makes things easier."

"Wait you ran across Washington?"

"I was a wolf."

"But the full moon was ages ago!"

"The movies didn't get much right, I can phase anytime I want."

"That's weird."

"Should we go?"

"I guess so."

"But first, what's your name? Mine is Jacob, Jacob Black."

"Nice to meet you Jacob Black, my name is… Wait, what is my name?"

Check it out! A not very interesting cliffy! Don't worry vampire girl already has a name; I spent about a half hour trying to find the right one. I sort of like making Jacob's like bad for him, he has always annoyed me, now is time for my revenge. And in case any one is confused in the beginning of the chapter her is Bella, him is Edward, and them is the Cullens/ a vampire.

_Question: What would happen if a werewolf imprinted on a vampire?_

_Answer: It would be wired, like the chapter weird._


	4. My Apologies

I must regretfully notify my readers that next week I will be at summer camp and will not be able to update again until next Fr

**I must regretfully notify my readers that next week I will be at summer camp and will not be able to update again until next Friday, then 2 Mondays after that I depart for my family reunion in Missouri to return on the 7****th**** of July. Then in late July I will go back to camp for a week, expect not as regular updates as I have been treating you ladies and gentlemen to. For this I give you my sincerest apologies for your forgiveness.**

-The one who is neither Zora nor Casimir but the one who created them. Who just watched Pride and Prejudice and is stuck on the old proper way of speech.


	5. I'm Depressed, what's new?

I am very sorry to my nonexistent faithful readers (which don't exist) but I am going to discontinue this story for some amount

_**I am very sorry to my nonexistent faithful readers (which don't exist) but I am going to discontinue this story for some amount of undefined time. This is mostly because currently because I am extremely depressed to the brink of emo, I just found out my sister who is also my best friend has cancer again. At some point I might continue but don't count on it. If anyone asks the vampire that Jacob imprinted on's new name because she can't remember hers in Esarosa meaning white wolf because she is a vampire therefore pale (white) and is now going to hang out with wolves so wolf. No don't worry I'm not going suicidal.**_


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